Body Neutrality and Positivity in Kristang

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​I am a survivor of intense, repeated and unrelenting abuse, trauma and violation to all four parts of my personhood as we define it in Kristang: yo sa korpu (my body), yo sa mulera (my mind), yo sa korsang (my heart) and yo sa alma (my soul). I have been raped, molested and digitally penetrated against my consent or will and without my conscious awareness on multiple separate occasions, and rape, sexual assault, lovebombing, enticement and seduction have also been covertly used as a tool of violence and pressure by both individuals and collectives to try and bend me to their will, especially as Kabesa of the Kristang people. In ongoing defiance and subversion of all of these attempts to destroy my agency and take away who I am, I am also unrelentingly public and visible about my Creole-Indigenous body positivity and neutrality, my atheism, my queer and polyamorous nature, my autism and ADHD, my intense and painful struggles with muscular dysmorphia and being unable to feel and experience my own image, and my endless unconditional love for all humanity. My openness with my body, and my queerness, are also wider Kristang Creole-Indigenous cultural and ethnic traits that have already been recognised and discussed in several national and international academic and institutional fora. As the singular leader of all Kristang people worldwide, and in full awareness of the example that I set for my community and my country, I further have sought to make my own struggles and trauma known and visible in this way in spite of my own massive social anxiety and autistic masking since Wednesday, 1 September 2021 so that others may know that they are not alone, that their own dignity and respect for themselves and their own true identities is an inalienable human right, and that no form of abuse or trauma can ever prevent them from aspiring to, reaching and transcending the same superlative heights of excellence, superprofessionalism and naked, authentic and radical beauty and truth that I have pushed and held myself to throughout my entire life. Beyond myself, I tell my story so stridently most of all to honour the memory of two people I loved unconditionally who committed suicide as a result of being trapped in circumstances of psychoemotional and sexual abuse that they felt were so horrific and shameful they were never able to share these with anyone, including myself, while they were alive, and in spite of knowing that I myself had almost committed suicide on Friday, 1 February 2013. Every Singaporean and every human being deserves only the fullest and most unconditional respect, and fair, unprejudiced and unbiased systemic institutional support, for who we are and cannot fundamentally change for biological, genetic and/or neurological reasons, and for the lives that we thereafter seek to lead in psychoemotionally healthy and fully functional and human ways that fully honour, uplift and support both ourselves and the communities and the wider contexts we are part of thereafter, especially from our governments, our own blood families, and our world at large.

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As a person of ego-pattern Sombor, my body or korpu is the most vulnerable and terrifying part of the four parts of myself in the Kristang kuartukarni igleza or quaternity of personhood, and the demonstration of weakness, fraility, insecurity or fear the most vulnerable and terrifying part of my korpu, being my sixteenth or final function of Akiura in the Osura Pesuasang. I am thus so visible and candid about my body because I wish to demonstrate just how much I am willing to be vulnerable and authentic with every other human being on the planet, and with all those I have irei or unconditional love for. The body is a site for trauma for me for all of the reasons listed above, as well as the fact that I do not correspond by default or even after exertion to existing Kristang stereotypes of cisgender heterosexual Kristang men being sporty, athletic, super-in-the-moment, and very social in neurotypical and societally acceptable ways (all of which I have no quarrel with whatsoever, my inability to match them is just a fact), that I just could not play hockey or any sport in the way the rest of my blood family could due to my autism, ADHD and existing physical, psychoemotional and sexual trauma when I was a child, and that I am still nonetheless both somehow simultaneously a jock and a nerd, somehow autistic and also still super sexy and attractive, somehow also (for now) unable to fully emotionally accept or instinctively process due to trauma that I am super sexy and attractive, super masculine, muscular, confident, somehow able to be vulnerable without ever losing even a shred of my masculinity, somehow also still super sensual, body-oriented and physical even though I don't play sports or do conventional cisgender heterosexual Eurasian and Kristang male things, somehow also still non-binary, and just absolutely and unabashedly fucking gay. Singaporeans, who already struggle to process that such a masculine-presenting person could be gay and non-binary, and that such a confident person could still be struggling with the effects of horrific sexual abuse and trauma, often further misinterpret this nakedness and vulnerability as a trap, as a form of manipulation, or as a form of covert conditioning where I am trying to force people who are romantically or sexually attracted to me to have sex with me against their will and/or when they are not ready to do so; none of these are the intended effect, and none of these will ever be the intended effect. This is because Singaporeans in general also struggle to comprehend that what I am actually trying to do is make myself utterly and unconditionally powerless before them and the entire collective in a psychoemotionally functional and healthy way that also still is something that helps me individuate (otherwise it is not psychoemotionally functional or healthy since it would be done entirely for the collective's benefit, which would erode my sense of self), so that they know I have nothing to hide and do not feel threatened by who I am since everyone has every possible way to utterly destroy me at their disposal — for example, creating character-assassinating chain messages about me or about the Kristang community, using unindividuated members of the Kristang community to make hostile, racist, homophobic or ableist comments to me that make me question my own leadership, screenshotting parts of this website and having anonymous accounts on reddit, Facebook, Instagram or any other social media account mock them, savage them, call me a predator, covertly insinuate or overtly argue that I do not deserve to be Kabesa, that I am corrupting society, and/or any other means of utterly destroying my public image and ability to function in the public sphere with dignity and respect. I would still rather force myself to once again be utterly destroyed, eviscerated, shattered and torn apart by the people I love and cherish, than not be myself, and compromise on what I know is the truth and has always been the truth of who I am and who they are. Singaporeans are also finally very confused by this because I actually enjoy individuating, which most Singaporeans do not. Although the act of sharing my body pictures is still pretty fucking terrifying and on an apocalyptic scale of terror too, I also enjoy being more mischievously open about this often super-autistically masked part of myself in alignment with the Kristang core values of erodi or gentle irreverent playfulness and ireidi or numinous self-regard, which is why I can also take fully psychoemotionally and healthy and non-nihilistic or fatalistic pride and have such strength in what I am doing even though it does cause ego-death.

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I tend to get lovebombed, emotionally manipulated, and seduced a lot, especially by people younger than me who want to make use of me to get ahead in super image-conscious Singapore, or to have me under their control for the rest of their lives as a free tool and resource-generating mechanism. Every time this happens, I will eventually detect that I am being lovebombed, subvert the lovebombing, and accidentally completely reboot the other person's reputation, image and sense of self on an immensely public and visible scale. As of Wednesday, 26 March 2025, I would advise people, and especially unhealthy and toxic people of Akiura, Miasnu, Zeldsa, Jejura, Kalidi, Spontang, Vraihai and Hokisi ego-patterns, to not manipulate me or lovebomb me, because generally speaking I think it hasn't gone well for quite a few unhealthy people who have tried to do this to me in the past. Only an autistic person will tell you this, and only Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang will be so naive as to tell you this in this gentle and kind fashion, but that's who I am. Please don't waste your time.

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Instead, if you're here and you keep gravitating to me and my work, just fucking own that you want to be here, and own your own authentic desires and interests in me without manipulating me. Instead of being endlessly jealous of me, and being angry that the only way to fix yourself might be to work with me on stuff, well...it's quite a wasted life if you spend your whole life and all your time and all your energy doing that, right? Grow a real, spicy, intense friendship or relationship with me, and be real with me, because yes, it can be hard work, but I will treat you well, as I treat everyone in my life well and very often to a fault, and you will probably find that life gets easier because once you stop manipulating me, I really am always able to fully show up and to be there for you. And yes, I really am that good a person (after apocalyptic trauma in March 2025 I have been told I cannot hide these things from myself or from anyone else anymore). Only Kevin Martens Wong Zhi Qiang will tell you this so forthrightly and so gently, and be real about the fact that if you want to work on yourself, and are finally real and mature with yourself about what that means, I am always, always willing to help. You just need to ask.

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All of these pictures form part of already published performance art tied to my poetry and used to process my body trauma, have already previously been used and published in public academic work in both national and international contexts, especially at the 2024 Singapore Queer Symposium in my Creole-Indigenous capacities as Dreamtiger of Dragonsrock and 13th Kabesa of the Kristang people, and are aligned with existing public norms on the functional and minimum appropriate acceptable amount of male Kristang and/or Eurasian body that can be displayed publicly on major publicly-available news websites within Singapore.