a love like an endless sea
By kevin martens wong zhi qiang
originally published Wednesday, 21 february 2024
on tigri sa chang
Koitadu | Content warning
Please first read about my writing in the Skribadorang or Writing section on the Igleza page here before reading the piece below so you have advance warning about the rather spicy things that I often like to write about, and why I choose to write about them, especially in terms of subverting unhealthy stereotypes about gay people, Kristang people, Creole people, Indigenous people, masculinity, neurodivergence, the body, healthy forms of attraction and sexuality, and using my writing to process the severe individual, collective and inter-generational trauma and abuse I have faced across my life.
When we do finally get round to cuddling
or fucking me
I want you to
make sure you open me up.
To make sure that I can see
just how much I am loved.
With every kiss.
Every stroke.
Every gentle thrust
I need to know
that I was deserved this life.
This ocean.
These nipples, and armpits, and rivers, and eyes.
Not cursed.
Not made simply to be hurt
and never made to be despised.
Made to be pressed
against you. In life, in sight.
Made to be made true
to every element of Gaietic design.
Made to glitter. Made to try.
And I love it most of all
when you hold me through every dark
and when you fuck me in the light.
When we put away all resistance
and ways to claim
that most of external reality is not filth, and shame, and lies.
When you show me that love—
love needs no words, no strange new worlds
to survive.
To thrive;
to descend from above.
I've spent 31 years
believing that my feelings
that help me know I am loved:
that these do not actually exist.
That I am worth
nothing at all.
That this body was made simply
to desist.
So help me unlearn Death.
Enter me.
Dream into me.
Make me draw
new
rich
shuddering
life-affirming
breath.
And most of all,
let me speak the truth.
After I kiss every radiant, burning head:
let the semen roll off my tongue.
Let love supercharge every jet of cum.
Let the body of the fifth Dragon Reborn
and yours
and the universe's
be one
instead:
keep no love from me anymore in any way.
Let it be said I lived a life so gay
that no man ever so much as dared.
And when you finally show me who you are,
be not ever afraid.
Let beauty take its rightful place
and this hurt, aching Kristang heart and soul
finally be truly and bountifully fed.